the simple joy of holding hands ...

It is easy to get so caught up in life that you fail to recognize the joy of the simple things.  The joy found in the simplicity of love.   My short story today comes from this place of being aware of the abundant joy found in what is oh so common ... holding hands ~

Riley was on the couch, glued to her favorite show when we first put on Carsyns new braces at home.  Carsyn wanted to walk ... Ri had never seen Carsyn in these new braces or seen what Carsyn can do in them.  We put the braces on, and Carsyn started to walk.  Without a word from Jer or I, Ri immediately jumped off the couch and ran over to Carsyn and excitedly said ... 

 'Carsy - you want to hold hands and walk with me?!?!?!!?' 

And for a couple seconds I think I forgot to breath ... It had never even occurred to me that Riley would have a longing inside of her to walk, hand in hand, with her baby sister.  And in that moment, I remembered all these different moments ... a slideshow of snapshots in my memory ... of Riley holding hands and walking with friends, cousins,  little brothers and sisters of her friends, even little kids she didn't even know ... and it had never occurred to me that walking and holding hands with her sister would be such a big deal to her.  I don't know why I never thought about it, but I just never did.  And in that moment, I was in awe of my first born ... her compassion, her heart, her love that is so so big ... the way she LOVES her sister is seriously SO BIG.  They have the most amazing and special bond.  And seeing my girls standing up together, holding hands, and walking ... well, it's price-lesss ... no amount of money in the world could buy that joy.  It simply took my breath away.

 Sometimes the littlest things bring the most joy.  And sometimes, when you get caught up in the bigness and busyness of life, it can be easy to forget the simple joy that comes from these little things ... like the pure joy found in just going on a walk and holding hands with the one you love ... 

a little walking and some bball :)

Carsyn is learning to step one leg at a time (right, left, right, left) with these braces.  We shift her body (an exaggerated shift), and then she kicks the opposite leg forward.  Its so cool.  The purpose of these braces is to teach her and let her feel what walking is all about, and to strengthen the muscles she will need to walk on her own.  As she gets stronger, the braces will get shorter, until one day, they are no more :) Here is a short video of her scoring her first basket standing up :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

We just celebrated Carsyns 2nd birthday.  I am certain that for the rest of my life, with every birthday Carsyn has, I will go through a broad spectrum of emotion as I reflect on where she has been, where she is and where she is going.  Words could never express the feelings and emotions that I am flooded with when I think about my Carsyn Grace.  

I think our greatest blessings are often birthed in pain.  The hard stuff we walk through paves the way for joy. There have been days over the past 2 1/2 yrs where I literally felt as if I could not breathe.  I can remember distinct moments where I felt like I did not know if I could even exist another second ... I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it is the best way to describe the depth of pain/emotion I have felt ... I literally did not know how I would consciously make it through another second at times.  I don't know if there is any pain worse than seeing your child hurting/suffering.  I don't know if there is anything more unbearable than hearing a doctor give you bad news about your child.  If there is something worse, I have not experienced it ... because the hardest and most painful moments of my life have come as I have experienced these things with Carsyn.

But, at the same time, I have felt no greater joy than when I have walked in to a room and have seen Riley with her hands on Carsyns legs praying for them to be strengthened and thanking God for her sister.  And nothing in this natural world has filled my heart more than when I have watched Riley cheering for Carsyn and encouraging her and celebrating her every small victory, telling her 'Carsyn your legs are so strong, I know you can walk, I know you can...'.  Nothing has caused my cheeks to hurt from smiling as much as watching Carsyn smile with pride as she stands up on her own.  I look at this beautiful girl and I am overwhelmed with joy... She touches my heart in a way no one ever has before or ever will again ... 

Carsyns life has changed mine.  It has changed our marriage.  It has changed our family.  The lens in which we view life is different than it once was.  Its more beautiful.  Its more joyful.  There is more thanksgiving, gratitude and love.  Life is more full and more simple all at the same time.  Our family is closer than I ever knew we could be.  It just can't be explained with words, but its something that only God could do.  

'You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.  You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with JOY!'

Psalm 30:11

 Standing up in her new walking braces without anyone holding on to her ... she's so proud of herself :)