and this is God...

Throughout this entire adoption process, Jeremy has consistently said, I just want to give a kid a second chance at a life that he wouldn't have had. The first time we spoke to Isaiah's birth father, he thanked us over and over again, and then said, 'Thank you for giving my son a second chance at life' ....

This is God ...

thankful ...

I have a notebook that we have kept over the past 9 months where we have written all that God has spoken to us about our baby. One of the first things was that it was last December when I started feeling like God was talking to me about baby #3. I didn't know if we would adopt or I would get pregnant. I was not ready for baby 3 at that point, so I really tried to ignore that inner voice telling me it was coming. When I could no longer ignore the voice, we began praying about whether would adopt or try to get pregnant. It was in March, after much prayer, that we decided with certainty that our next baby would be adopted. And Jeremy and I began to pray together at this point - March 2011 - that wherever our baby was, that God would protect Him, that he would grow perfectly ... we began praying for his health and life and destiny, and we began thanking Him for our son that we knew was somewhere and would one day be with us. And we now know, that it was in March 2011 that our baby Isaiah was conceived ... both in his birth mother and also in our hearts ...

This is how God works.

And during this whole process, God spoke to us so much. It was like being on a highway, and you see signs that you are headed in the right direction ... a few miles later, you see another sign confirming you are still headed the right way ... And that is what the past 9 months have been like. There are several incredible details that we want to share at some point, and I will post them here on the blog, but today is just a day of thankfulness.

Last night, Jeremy and I were talking about all that just happened. How surreal it is and how big God is. How God put people in our lives that have been praying for us and over us. Friends that have given such support ... that have loved isaiah with us even before they have even met him. We have literally been blown away and so humbled by the love that we have received and the love that people have shown our son. People are amazing. We have the greatest friends. We have even recieved love, support, help from people that don't even personally know us.
And over the past 2wks, our family has been strengthened and connected at a whole new level. Its like God took the four of us, added one more, and totally joined us in a whole new way. And every single time we faced opposition, He just tightened the bond between us. Its been so amazing, and such a time of growth for our family, our marriage, and our walks with God.

Wealth is a funny thing. People tend to think of it as being associated with finances and possessions. However, wealth really has nothing to do with money, but everything to do with love. Love is the currency of heaven. People are the treasures and hidden riches (Isaiah 45:3). Life is all about love and relationship. Wealth has nothing to do with finances. And we truly feel like the wealthiest people in the world. We are so thankful for the people that God has placed around us. We are so thankful for family and friends that have supported us and encouraged us as we have walked this out. We are so thankful for our beautiful new son and our beautiful girls that love so big. We are so thankful for our marriage that God has strengthened in such an amazing way over the past 2 wks, and our family of 5 that he has knit together with such love. We are so thankful for Isaiahs birth parents and for the way God has enlarged our hearts to love them in a way we didn't even know would be possible.

God is in the details of life ... it literally leaves me in absolute awe. There is so much to be thankful for. We are so blessed and life is so beautiful.

Summary of the weekend ...

There is so much I could write about what happened over the last 2wks. So much that I might end up writing a book one day ;)
Needless to say, it has been life changing in so many different ways.

We found out at 9:30 Thursday night that she was going into labor. Jer got home from Nashville at 2 am and we left at 7am that morning to drive to orlando. We went straight to the hospital to meet Isaiah and his birth parents. He was perfect and beautiful, and his birth parents were so sweet. Our hearts filled with love for them in a way we never expected ... they are wonderful people and love this little boy so much. They just knew they could not provide for him what he needed. Truly, they gave a sacrifice of love and we have such respect for them.

After visiting, we went to check into the condo and had plans to go back the following morning. We were all totally exhausted and got in bed right away. However, that night I woke up with a terrible stomach flu ... the sickest I have been in as long as I can remember. And then Riley got it. So, Saturday, Ri and I were sick and my amazing husband and sweet 18month old hung out the whole day while ri and I tried to get some sort of energy back. The next day we would be bringing home an infant, and I knew I was going to need energy somehow, some way ....
God is so faithful, and as I was reminded that day by a wonderful friend, as I was lying in bed unable to function, He is faithful, and He will ALWAYS provide us what we need to do what He has called us to do ...

The next morning, I woke up feeling great :) Jer, however, was sick. UGH! We went to get Isaiah from the hospital at about 6:30 that night, got home around 8:30, and Jer and the girls headed straight to bed. Isaiah and I hung out all night together :) Even though I was so exhausted, it was so special having that time with him.

So, now, we had Isaiah, however, there is a law that you cannot leave the state to travel into your home state until paperwork, called the ICPC, is completed. It is paperwork that both TN and FL would have to sign off on and submit. So, until that was complete, we could not leave Florida. This paperwork can, on average, take 7-10 days. And because Thanksgiving was Thursday, and offices would be closed, if the paperwork was not complete before Thanksgiving, then we would be forced to stay in Florida until the following week. And this, would have been just terrible! At this point, we were just so emotionally, physically, mentally exhausted and spent, that all we wanted was to be at home, with our kids, in our home.

So, we were praying for this paperwork to be processed so fast ... that the right people would be in the right place at the right time so we could be cleared to leave before thanksgiving break.

Isaiah and I went to see his birth parents Tuesday afternoon, then the 4 of us went to his first doctors appt. On the way to his appt, at about 330 in the afternoon, I got a message, that our paperwork had CLEARED! We were totally floored, and again, in absolute awe of the bigness of God. The earliest we had expected to hear anything about paperwork was Wed evening, and this was Tuesday. No explanation for the speed of this clearance other than GOD ... He is so good and so faithful.

After saying our goodbyes to his birthparents, we went to the condo. Jeremy had already thrown everything into bags :) haha ... We loaded the car, and headed back to Knoxville. We drove through the night. Our girls, who were completely exhausted from this trip, and from being sick, and having everything about their lives thrown upside down, were ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! The drive home, might have been the hardest drive EVER ... they stayed awake until 4 am ... yes, 4 am. Such a great thing that their little brother might be the easiest, sweetest baby ever, and he loves sleeping :) We got home at 5am, put them in bed. Of course, Isaiah was awake at this point, so I was up with him until about 6, we slept a couple hours and then the day began.... Exhausted, but overjoyed ... the first day as a family of 5 in our home :)

We got a call about a baby Sunday night, November 13. Totally unprepared, but willing to follow God wherever He leads and trust in His provision... The baby is born Friday November 18 ... He officially becomes our son, Sunday November 20 ... We come home with our new baby Tuesday November 22 ... 9 days ... 9 days ... 9 days ... what an unreal 9 days ... life-changing 9 days ... so in awe of God and how He works ...

What a trip, what an experience, what a life ... we are blessed :)

on our way!!

On our way to florida...
quick update ...

they are expecting isaiah to be born around noonish ... we should be there by 5 ...

i talked to both of his parents yesterday and they are AWESOME!! the sweetest people with such beautiful hearts! we are beyond excited to meet them and so thankful to them for this amazing gift of life they have given us!

i will write more about them later, but they are so great ... please be praying for them for peace throughout today and the days to come ...

God is so awesome ... in awe of how He works ...
this situation is the most perfect thing ever ... in every way ... He is so good....

thank you for prayers and support! will post pics when we can!!

BABY TIME!!!

WOW! Things can move FASTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Wait and wait, and then BOOM - heres your baby!!!
Basically, that is what has happened. This will be short and fast post to just get word out and I will write more details later when I can catch my breath ...

Sunday was Riley's 4th birthday. In the middle of her party, I got a call, and I saw it was an unknown number and immediately thought it could be an agency. And it was. They basically asked if we would be committed to this child, and it was such a crazy intense moment, with kids running around, our first daughters 4th birthday, and then being presented with the possibility of this baby. I told her I would have to call her back after everyone left and after Jeremy and I had a chance to talk. Before Jer and I had a chance to talk, she called again because there was some urgency with this situation. The mother was 3.5cm dilated already and things were moving fast.

So, attempting to make a long story short, we have our baby :)
We have nothing ready for him because we weren't expecting it to happen like this and the whole time it has been a little hard for me to get things ready not knowing when a baby would come, so I just thought we would wait until we had a heads up about a baby and then start preparing. But, thats not the way it worked, soooooooooooooooo -

Jeremy is out of town 3 nights this week ... which is so not a normal thing for him, and kinda funny that it is happening this week of all weeks. Obviously, there is so incredibly much to do right now, and she could go into labor at any time.

The birth parents are in Florida, so the four of us will drive 10hrs to orlando when she goes into active labor. We will have to stay there for 1-2wks while all the paperwork is completed for us to leave the state and travel home with him.

His mother is Hispanic (cuban), his father is african american. His name is Isaiah Michael Grubb. We are so excited. And while this is complete craziness all the sudden, I think I function so much better that way :).

Please be praying for us and this entire situation. There are alot of little details that we really need to see Gods hand in ... finding a place for us to stay in Florida, driving with the girls for 10hrs, obviously Isaiah and his parents, us getting everything ready at home, paperwork processed quickly ... and on and on and on. So, pray for us as we walk this part of the journey out!

I will share more details in the next few days when I can! Thanks for your love and support, and thank you for loving our new little boy :)

and we wait ...

I have not updated in so long. If you are reading this blog, then you are probably my mom, because i am sure everyone else thinks I have quit this whole blogging our adoption adventure at this point ...

However, I am hoping to start updating much more frequently. There is a little bit of a lull in the process after all the paperwork is submitted and until we get a phone call. This is now the waiting period, with not much news to report. Right now we have applied to 4 agencies. So, our applications are being processed with those agencies now. We have applied to 2 agencies in Florida, 1 in Utah, and 1 in Arizona ... all 'adoption friendly' states. However, technically, the baby could be from anywhere. Those agencies will help mothers outside of those states, so just because our applications are with those agencies, does not mean we will definitely travel to one of those places to get our little boy.

There is still so much unknown. And normally, if you know me, you know that I like to know things. I am super analytical and like to know what is going on and what is next ... and so, you would think that this not-knowing and waiting process would drive me crazy. But, it is such the opposite. Jeremy and I have such a crazy supernatural amazing peace about this whole thing. We could get a call today about a baby ... it could be months from now ... and that doesn't stress either of us at all. What we know is so much greater than what we don't know. We know God spoke, we know He has a baby for us, we know we are following His voice, and we know that His way is perfect ... this is a willful surrender to His purpose, plan and destiny for our family. And I am truly learning the absolute joy and rest and peace that comes when you hear Gods voice and surrender yourself to Him ... even in the midst of uncertainty ... even when you don't know how this is going to work out or what is going to happen. Knowing God is GOOD, knowing His love ... it just makes the journey so fun.

There is a peace and a rest and a strength and a JOY that overflows, when you set your gaze on the only sure thing in this world ... there is a knowing in the midst of the unknown that causes everything to make sense ...

I will update again soon ... very soon ... and maybe, just maybe, it will be about our new baby :)

FUN update!!

OUR HOME STUDY IS OFFICIALLY COMPLETE!!!

YAY!!!!!!!

That was definitely a process! Both carrying a baby in your body and adopting a baby, can be exhausting .... and, at the same time, worth it beyond words. It kinda feels like I am finally through my 1st trimester now and the morning sickness is over and the energy is coming back... :-)

So, we are sending out applications to different agencies this weekend. We are currently applying with 4 different agencies. Please be in prayer with us for our little boy and the wonderful mom who chose life and is carrying him. I will update again with more info on this next step of the process...

Thanks for all of your support, it means so much to Jeremy and I!

so good, so true...

“It is a conscious decision to limit ones’ own options, pleasures, and even potential for the sake of extending the story of God to children who, without a link to you, may never discover their link to God. There is a battle raging for the hearts and souls of children. The enemy knows that if he can capture their hearts, he will have delivered a true blow to the Kingdom. He also knows that if those hearts come to know their Heavenly Father, there is nothing that will stop them! The most practical way for those children to come into their destiny is for them to come into a family first.”

watch this...

love in action ...

Click on this link and look at this site. It is super easy to sponsor one of these children....and $30 a month is like sacrificing a couple sushi rolls ;) ...

But this woman, Heidi Baker, is my hero. She truly lives a life of love. She has given all of herself for something so much greater than anything the world could ever provide. She is a laid down lover of Jesus and her life is a testimony of His faithfulness. Click on this link, and think about supporting one or more of these kids a month ... every dollar given will be used to affect lives forever ... not a penny wasted ... read about Heidi and her ministry and her life, and you will be inspired to live bigger ...

http://www.irismin.org/stop-for-the-one

delay, delay...

I know I said I would update frequently...I try, I really do...

I will try harder :)

As you know, our home study was suppose to be completed Sept.1. On that day, however, we got a message from the woman who is finalizing our home study and submitting it...she is the one who completes it, and so she is the one that gave us the Sept 1 date. Unfortunately, a couple weeks ago, there was a medical issue with someone in her family, and she has had to care for this person and has been unable to work much. So, her new date to have the home study finalized is mid-September.

We cannot submit applications to agencies until our home study is finalized. And so, we wait. But, we have such a peace about Gods hand in all of this, so this delay doesn't upset us. We see it as more time for Carsyn to continue to get more independent and mobile, and more time for us to prepare for his arrival, and more time for us to get finances together.

Today I want to encourage everyone who reads this blog, if you don't already, to do something to pour into the life of an orphaned child. Whether it be taking them in, praying for them, financial contribution, giving your time to go on a missions trip and love on these kids ... whatever it is that you feel led to do, I want to encourage you to do it. We give what we have to those that don't, and that is living life. Not about what I can do for me, but what can I do for someone else ... and we all have something more we can give.

Jeremy is home from work because its Memorial Day, its pouring rain and suppose to be 70 all day. Windows are open all over our house. I am sipping coffee and listening to Ri and Carsyn downstairs laughing at their daddy who is acting like a silly monster I think ... laughing, with an occasional scream and loud banging... like someone just fell off a bed or threw a huge toy at the wall possibly.... and this is why we don't have nice things ....

;) haha

I love this day :)

Why now?

So, apparently I have not answered the question of, why now ... a friend told me she was waiting for this answer :)

I was going to answer it in parts ... things God has shown us during this process that have transformed us and the way we view life. I will still do that but to go ahead and answer the root question (for inquiring minds), of why now ... here is the basic answer in its most simple form ...

Because God told us to do it now.

Adopting now was not in our 'plans' for life. When we thought about adoption, we always thought it would be when we were a bit older and were done trying to have any more biological children. And we always thought we would want to space our kids out at least 2 years apart from each other. That was the 'plan'.

'A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.' Prov 16:9

But, we have always told God that it was His timing, not ours. And last December, surprisingly, He started speaking to me about adopting. We spent months praying. It was confirmed over and over again. And for those months, we wrestled with this. We kept trying to find a million reasons why this was not the right timing. And there were alot of reasons that we came up with :) ... but there was an internal battle that never relented. We were trying to fight what God was calling us to do. We were trying to be 'logical'. Trying to figure it out in our own mind and strength.

When we finally said YES to God, fully surrendered our plan and our family to him, there was an overwhelming PEACE. That kind of tangible peace that 'surpasses all understanding'. There is a deep confidence that comes when you follow Gods voice. Its a confidence that shakes things. Its a simple KNOWING that answers every question in your mind. Because while you may not understand how its going to happen, you know that if God said it, then He will provide everything you need.

And what we know is that God calls us to do things that we cannot do on our own. Things that just don't make sense to anyone ... not even us. He calls us to live lives that are bigger than we can imagine. Its not about comfort and convenience...its not about me, its not about Jeremy... its all about Him. And there is a baby, that is coming to this world ... a baby that God destined to be here for a special purpose at this time ... a baby that God is fashioning and forming in a womans womb ... a woman that has surrendered her comfort and convenience, her plans, for the sake of love ... and that baby has been destined to be in our family, since before time began.

And so, we too surrender our comfort and convenience ... our plans ... for the sake of love. We don't get to control when he comes, but we have the honor of partnering with God in raising this child ... we have the honor of being his parents on earth. And this little boy is a world changer ... and we are so blessed.

So, why now? Because we heard Gods voice and are following Him ... and now is the time to go find our baby and bring him home.

investments ...

One question we have gotten over and over when we have told people we are going to adopt is, 'Do you know how expensive that is? Do you know how much money that cost?'

Yes, we do know. Of course we do. But, here is what we believe and are understanding more and more as we continue to walk out this process ...

Wealth is not, should not be defined by what you have, but rather by what you give. When our standard for life consists in comparisons with other people, we will live completely unsatisfied, selfish lives chasing things that will never fill us.

One thing God has been giving us revelation on and opening our eyes/minds to during this whole adoption process, is the subject of investments. Where are we investing our time and our money? What are we giving ourselves to and for? What are we investing in? What are we doing with what we have been given?

There is no greater investment than in another human being. Its an investment that lives for eternity. So, yes, we do know how much adoption costs, and yes, it is a huge financial sacrifice. But giving sacrificially for another person is an investment that lives forever ... it is an investment that has an eternal return. And no, I do not think adoption is not for everyone, but what I do know is that we are all called to give our lives to something greater than ourselves and I also know that we will never feel rich if we think of wealth in terms of money. Our investments (time and money), reveal our heart ... because where our treasure is, there our heart will be also.

timing...

If you know us fairly well, you know about our amazing two daughters. Riley is way loud, crazy, intense, active, headstrong, stubborn, does not like sleep and never stops. Carsyn is the sweetest human ever created ;), but the challenges we have to walk through with her add an entirely new level of difficulty. Either of them alone, would be a handful, put them together and our life is pretty crazy at times. So, the obvious question that runs through probably 98% of the heads of the people that know we are adopting, is why now? Not many people choose to have 2 babies 18months apart ... even if they don't have any other kids or any slightly difficult situations to deal with.

And, I said I would keep entries short, so I can't answer this all now, but will over the next few days because we have been asked about this several times over the last couple weeks.

What I will say for today is that our life is not about our comfort and our convenience. And when you choose to follow Gods voice above all others, He is going to have you do things that make no sense to anyone....not even to you. You will be stretched and taken to a place of feeling completely inadequate to handle what He has called you to do. You will come to recognize your need for Him, and also His desire to fill you. And as you take that step of faith and follow His lead, you will learn a new level of freedom, and experience a new depth of grace and love ... you will learn how strong and faithful God is, and you will see how He really does provide 'all you need according to His riches and glory' (phil 4:19). Life will take on a new level of JOY and FREEDOM and FUN as you willingly give yourself to Him.

And over the past few months as we have prayed and asked God for clarity, vision, direction and confirmation, He has shown us so much about life and transformed our way of thinking and living in such an awesome way. He has taken us to a new place of faith and trust and love and redefined the 'american dream' in our lives. So, over the next few days, I will write a little bit more about why we are doing this now and how we have already been affected by this whole process.

adoption consultant

We are using an adoption consultant to help us with this whole process. The group we are working with is called Christian Adoption Consultants. We have an awesome consultant that is helping our family specifically. If you want to get a better idea about exactly what Jer and I are walking through right now, or get any more info, check out her page ...

http://fathersheartadoptions.wordpress.com/

home study

Yesterday we had our final home study interview. It went great. We are on target to have home study completed at the end of this month!

Riley showed the lady doing our home study around our house. She gave her 'the tour' ... and she pointed out where 'black beau' sleeps. The home study lady did not know that we had a black cat, and since we are adopting an African American boy, thought riley was saying that this is where our 'black boy' would sleep when he came to our house ... which was a chair.

I did some fast explaining that no, no, our baby will not be sleeping in the corner of this room on this dirty chair...and, no, Ri did not say 'black boy', our cats fur is black and his name is beau... and he likes to nap in that chair ...

;) haha

Keep praying for our little boy and his birth mother. Pray God would bless her abundantly for the sacrifice of love that she is making, and that our son would feel Gods presence and love and joy even as he is growing and developing in the womb...

Thanks again for all of your support and prayers! It means the world to us!

Its Time...

When I was 14, I knew I would adopt one day. It was just something that was in my heart that I always knew would happen. And I knew I would adopt an african american boy, and an asian girl. For over 2 decades I have known that, and it has been as natural as knowing I would get my license when I turned 16 or knowing I would go to college after I finished high school. It has been a part of me, engrained in my heart for as long as I can remember.

And God partnered me with a man, whose heart is gold. He is selfless, and giving, and his passion is his family. Adoption has been a beat in his heart as well. And so, for years, we have prayed about the timing of starting this adoption journey and have tried to remain very sensitive to Gods voice about His desire for our family.

Last December, God began to speak to our hearts about adopting our next child. The timing was unexpected and definitely not what we thought Gods timing would be. It seemed like too big of a thing for us to take on at this point... but we have learned that is how God works! He calls us to do things that are impossible in our own strength...

So, after months of prayer and seeking His face about this next HUGE step for our family, we felt the confirmation and the 'go-ahead' and the supernatural PEACE to begin this journey of bringing our third child home to us! And here we go :)

This is a blog we will keep to give updates about the journey. I am going to keep entries short and sweet, and try to be consistent with it. We are doing a domestic infant adoption, and will be bringing home an African American baby boy some time in the next few months. We have not yet been matched with a baby. At this point, our home study is almost complete and we hope to be presenting our info to adoption agencies around the country as of Sept.1. Once we begin to present to agencies, realistically, we could get a call that we are matched with a baby at any time. So, yes, we could have our son very soon!

Adoption is costly, time-consuming, and requires such sacrifice, but what we have learned and how our family has grown in this short period of time, already is invaluable. Our hope is to share on this blog little bits and pieces of what God is teaching us and how we are growing as a family through this journey, as well as to keep you updated on the process and let you know when we have our son!

Thanks for your prayers and support for our family!