We just celebrated Carsyns 2nd birthday. I am certain that for the rest of my life, with every birthday Carsyn has, I will go through a broad spectrum of emotion as I reflect on where she has been, where she is and where she is going. Words could never express the feelings and emotions that I am flooded with when I think about my Carsyn Grace.
I think our greatest blessings are often birthed in pain. The hard stuff we walk through paves the way for joy. There have been days over the past 2 1/2 yrs where I literally felt as if I could not breathe. I can remember distinct moments where I felt like I did not know if I could even exist another second ... I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it is the best way to describe the depth of pain/emotion I have felt ... I literally did not know how I would consciously make it through another second at times. I don't know if there is any pain worse than seeing your child hurting/suffering. I don't know if there is anything more unbearable than hearing a doctor give you bad news about your child. If there is something worse, I have not experienced it ... because the hardest and most painful moments of my life have come as I have experienced these things with Carsyn.
But, at the same time, I have felt no greater joy than when I have walked in to a room and have seen Riley with her hands on Carsyns legs praying for them to be strengthened and thanking God for her sister. And nothing in this natural world has filled my heart more than when I have watched Riley cheering for Carsyn and encouraging her and celebrating her every small victory, telling her 'Carsyn your legs are so strong, I know you can walk, I know you can...'. Nothing has caused my cheeks to hurt from smiling as much as watching Carsyn smile with pride as she stands up on her own. I look at this beautiful girl and I am overwhelmed with joy... She touches my heart in a way no one ever has before or ever will again ...
Carsyns life has changed mine. It has changed our marriage. It has changed our family. The lens in which we view life is different than it once was. Its more beautiful. Its more joyful. There is more thanksgiving, gratitude and love. Life is more full and more simple all at the same time. Our family is closer than I ever knew we could be. It just can't be explained with words, but its something that only God could do.
'You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with JOY!'
Psalm 30:11
Standing up in her new walking braces without anyone holding on to her ... she's so proud of herself :)
Love it. Carla
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