Imagine that the most you had ever run before was 3 miles ... and you had only done that a couple of times. Yet, you decide to run a marathon. You have done nothing to prepare, you just have a glimpse of what running feels like, so you can only imagine what running for an extended period of time might be. In reality, you have no grid to even begin to know what this experience is going to entail.
The day comes, and the race begins. Its not really any fun at all. It is challenging, but you expected that when you signed up for this. Mile 17 comes and you start wondering how you will ever survive until mile 26. Mile 19 and 20 feel dark and bleak and there is no visible light at the end of the tunnel. Feelings of hopelessness begin to arise. You want to quit and go home. Every single fiber of your being wants to just stop, walk off the course and try again next year. Your mind even begins to try to justify why next year would be better than this year to do this thing. But you made a promise to a loved one that you wouldn't quit, so your feet keep going, one in front of the other. Mile 23 comes and clarity starts coming back to your mind. Mile 24, you can finally start to see the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. And then you hit it, mile 26, you see the finish line and it is as if this ginormous weight is being lifted off your shoulders. You cross the finish line and there are so many emotions flooding your mind. You never knew how hard this would be, could have never imagined how hard, and yet you did it. Its over. You can go home now. And tomorrow when you wake up, no one will be able to see it, but you know that something inside of you has changed. Your inner strength has been strengthened through this experience. Your resolve and determination has grown. You feel more thankfulness and appreciation for life than you ever have before. You have more understanding and more empathy with others who are about to run or are currently running their own race. You feel more deeply. Your heart has grown. And even though no one will ever be able to recognize the change, you know that your life will never be the same.
Though at times, it felt like the race was sucking the life out of you, you realize that all along, life was actually being breathed into you. Its hard to always understand the value of the process when you are walking through it. Alot of times, you can only see that when you are looking back, Its the process that creates growth. Its the process that changes us and makes us better. God blesses us with process, even when it's hard, because thats where real growth occurs.
So, we are home. It was really really hard. Mentally, it was absolutely exhausting. But it was good. Carsyn is equipped to have more freedom and independence. We learned so much about her and her body and how it functions, and how it can function better. We are starting a new bladder/bowel program at home that is specifically tailored to her and is going to get her out of diapers and we avoided having to have a major surgery to do accomplish this 'big girl' goal.
During her colon xrays, a doctor picked up on the fact that her left hip is dislocated. So, not only did we do the bladder/bowel thing, but we were also able to meet with some excellent orthopedic surgeons up there that did a complete check on her and all her orthopedic parts :) We have a new plan in place to get her legs functioning better so she can walk easier. It was such a huge blessing to be able to see those docs up there and get expert opinions on her physical development.
Back to marathon analagy ... I don't ever want to run one again, it was so much harder than I ever thought it would be, but there is so much good that came from it. We are thankful.
'We went through fire and water; but You brought us out to rich fulfillment.' Psalm 66:12
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